i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
