i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
