I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
