My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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