if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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