someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
