Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
