FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
