This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize