I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i think im in europe. pls send help
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
