So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
