Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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