i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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