And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
