Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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