My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's just so happy...and so naked.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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