I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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