Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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