You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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