Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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