Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
