Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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