The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
