I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize