Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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