i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
