I'm going to rape someone's good day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
