That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
