Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
