Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
