my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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