I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
