she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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