Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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