The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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