I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize