Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
