The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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