Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
