how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
