Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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