I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
