Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
