So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
