If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
