the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
