I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will be naked everywhere
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
