nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
