He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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