Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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