Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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