Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We named our party play list daddy issues
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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