I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
