Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
