Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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