she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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