i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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