You just made me feel so damn special
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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