you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
