Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
