Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
