Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
