HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
